Our elopement story: why we chose it and what we’d do (+ not do) again
It wasn’t what I imagined.
But then again, I’d never really imagined anything.
A child of divorce, I vowed in my teens not to *expect* to get married.
If I got married, great. But if I lived a Lorelai Gilmore-like existence, sheer single female perfection — and mysteriously having a killer body while eating takeout every night — that’d be just fine, too.
Yet even in my non-imagining, I definitely didn’t expect my wedding day to only involve my husband and a handful of strangers.
…Which is precisely what it turned out to be.
Looking back three years at our elopement, there are still things I’m so happy with, others that I’d tweak if I could, and a few things I wish we knew back then. If you’re considering eloping in this crazy time of Covid, or are just curious what it looks like, keep reading for the scoop…
Why we chose to elope
Whenever I tell people that we eloped, they're always curious to hear why. It’s not traditional but it was the perfect choice for us, because:
1. Our families + friends live in different countries. (Mine in the U.S. and Joe’s in England.) Logistically, there's no place in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean that would've been convenient for everyone to get to. So whichever location we chose, roughly half of our loved ones wouldn't have been there, which wasn’t ideal.
2. I don't love being the center of attention. The idea of all eyes being on me for the day is kind of torturous. So a traditional wedding never really appealed for that reason.
3. My dad had recently passed away and the thought of having a big wedding without him there was just...excruciating. It felt 1,000% wrong.
4. We wouldn’t have to stress over the guest list, centerpieces, wedding band, or any of the 52048 things most couples have to worry about. And I’m exactly the type of person who would be a complete nightmare, trying to wrangle every detail into perfection…so that was nice to avoid! 😂
5. We were planning an international move at the time and between immigration lawyers, shipping our stuff, and moving our dog — by far the most complicated part of the entire process, btw — it was nice to save a few (tens of thousands of) bucks with an elopement.
6. We could have the chillest, breeziest day ever...and then get married! That sense of ease felt really, really nice.
So for all those reasons, eloping was right for us. If you’re considering it, here are a few things we’d do again (or do differently, if we could go back in time)…
What to consider if you want to elope (aka what we’d do again in a heartbeat!)
All-in-all, our elopement fit us pretty perfectly. But there are a few things that stick out as particularly stellar wins:
Work with an elopement planner. Joe and I both said this is the #1 thing that made our experience so great. Our mini-wedding planner handled everything: found the perfect location, designed it beautifully, connected us with the right local people, maximized our budget, and delivered us a to-the-minute itinerary so everything ran smoothly. That meant we could focus on enjoying our time before the wedding, rather than worrying about the minutiae. (We used Santa Barbara Elopement and recommend them 11/10.)
Make a day of it. Traditional weddings require hours of prep, whereas we filled our entire day with things we loved. Beforehand, we had a lazy breakfast, got massages, wandered hidden alleyways of Santa Barbara, and went to a great spot for lunch. After the ceremony, we had a champagne-and-donut toast and ate local, organic food at the Stonehouse @ San Ysidro Ranch, which was THE coziest, most magical meal.
Get “engaged”. Joe and I just sorta…decided to elope one day. And while I was so excited about it, I was also bummed that I’d miss out on that romantic proposal moment. So I absolutely LOVED that Joe still surprised me and did the whole get-down-on-one-knee-with-a-ring thing. Even though my answer was a given at that point, it’s such a special memory and an experience I’m so grateful we got to have. (Made extra special by the very un-fancy local taco joint we hit up immediately afterward to celebrate. 😜)
Our engagement spot in Laguna Beach!
Tell family and close friends beforehand. I’m not sure if this is what you’re “supposed” to do when you elope but it felt weird not to let our people in. We only told immediate family and just a couple friends before we left for our trip. It was comforting to know our closest loved ones were happy for us and supported our decision, rather than be stressed someone would be upset when they found out after the fact.
Keep it casual. I’ve watched brides have meltdowns over the hair/makeup/dress and I’m so glad our elopement was so low-key. I bought my dress on Etsy, wore shoes + jewelry I already owned, and did my own hair and makeup. Not having the pressure of being perfectly “done up” kept me so relaxed, which is always a good thing.
My dress (from CoralieBeatrix on Etsy)
Tie in a trip. We did this backwards, because we’d already planned a 10-year anniversary trip to southern CA and then decided to elope while there. But the fact that we had a week+ of travel surrounding our wedding was awesome. If you can, I’d 100% recommend tying in your elopement with a vacation, rather than going to the local courthouse for something quick. The fact that we were somewhere new made it feel even more special, and less weird that no loved ones were with us.
Fly United. Look, all I know is that they upgraded us to first class and cryptically said “we did our research!” when handing us our tickets home. So I’d fly with those guys again. 😜
What we’d do differently
Honestly, there’s not much we’d change. But if we’re being picky, there were a couple things I’d tweak:
Hire the photographer for longer. When it’s only you at your wedding, you don’t have tons of family and friends to remind you of all the details. We didn’t even consider it at the time but looking back, I wish we’d hired our photographer for another hour or two outside of just the ceremony to capture other fun parts of the day.
…So we’d have photos of our first dinner as husband and wife other than, ya know, THIS beaut #shotoniphone 😂:
Hire a videographer. Our wedding planner graciously recorded our ceremony on my phone. Buuuut we can’t really hear anything on the recording over the wind. #womp Again, this wasn’t something we even thought about at the time but I wish we considered how nice it would be to have a nice video (even a short one) to look back on.
Maybe have a couple friends? Maybe. At the time, we loved that it was just us. But now that it’s three years later, it’d be really nice to reminisce with friends about it. I wouldn’t have more than 10 — and I’m not totally committing to this answer! — but I do think having a few friends with us could’ve been great.
Wear a more breeze-resistant dress. It was wi-i-iiiindy the day we got married! And I spent about half of my energy making sure my drapey wrap dress didn’t waft open in the breeze and flash the whole beach. A little tactical stitching is always a smart idea.😉
In the end, eloping was the perfect choice for us. But there are always pros and cons to every decision so it’s worth weighing it up from different angles.
If you have any elopement questions, feel free to reach out at hello@westwindjournal.com! I’m far from an expert but I’m here to help if I can. 🤗
