How to create a simple non-religious grace practice [5 WAYS]

Growing up, we always said grace before dinner.

Once all five of us were seated at the table, we’d recite the “Bless Us O Lord” prayer (that classic ditty!) out loud together before digging into our food.

Cards on the table: I really had no idea what I was saying. Grace might as well have been in Latin, I didn’t truly think about the words. (I actually may have realized an error or two in my recitation while googling the prayer for this blog post. 😜)

While I didn’t appreciate it as a kid — like most good things in childhood, right? — I can now see it for the beautiful ritual it was.

As an adult on my own spiritual journey, saying grace is something that feels good again. I stopped for a solid 15 years (apart from Ryan family Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners) but recently, I felt the pull to pick it up again.

The Catholic prayer I grew up with didn’t quite scratch the itch. So instead, I set about making my own grace practice.

Whether you want to connect with a higher power or give thanks for the food on your plate, saying grace is a powerful way to do that, every day.

Plus, gratitude is proven to be good for you…

According to UC Berkeley, “many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed.” And Harvard Med School says “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

In a busy world, taking a moment for gratitude through daily grace is a fantastic way to boost your wellbeing. Even if you’re not especially religious or spiritual, there’s a grace practice that will feel great for you.

(In this article, I’ll use words like “grace” and “prayer” because they’re comfortable for me. But this practice is totally secular, meaning it doesn’t need to have any religious connotations. You can sub in words like “toast,” “mantra,” “appreciation,” “centering,” or whatever feels good to you.)

Here are 5 questions to consider as you design your daily grace practice:

1. What’s your trigger?

Starting a new habit can be hard. But it gets way easier if you to tie it to an existing behavior. So choose an intentional moment to say grace every day.

Will it be at breakfast, lunch, or dinner? (Or all 3?) Is it right when you sit at the table? When a plate’s placed before you? When you pick up the fork? Once the whole family sits down together? Pick a specific moment that will remind you to say grace.

Grace is traditionally tied to mealtime but this isn’t about being traditional. So you could even pick another time altogether — upon waking, before bed, on your daily dog walk, while brushing your teeth, during your morning commute. Think about when the best moment will be for YOU.

2. Who (if anyone) are you talking to?

God? The Universe? Allah? Jesus? Buddha? Brahma? Mother Nature? Someone else? Yourself? No one?

It's all good. 👍

As you’re designing your grace practice, take a minute to think about who you’d like to address your prayer to. This moment is for YOU so don’t force anything; just do what feels easy and light and natural.

3. What’s most important to remember/acknowledge?

What, specifically, do you want to reflect on during your daily grace practice?

Traditional grace is about giving thanks for your food. I care a lot about where my food comes from, especially any animals involved, so I like to take a minute and give thanks for the nourishment before me.

But you don’t have to focus on food during grace. Maybe you want to feel gratitude for a healthy body. Or the people around the table with you (or not with you). Or the time and money that allows you to eat this meal in the first place.

Maybe you want to keep it spontaneous and think of one new and different blessing every day.

There are so many things you can focus on with your grace practice. So it’s helpful to decide what’s most important to reflect on with your daily prayer.

4. What words will you say?

You don't have to use the same words each time (I don't.) But it can be a helpful place to start as you’re developing the habit.

Here are 11 grace ideas from different cultures, 3 short and simple non-denominational prayers, and a few more secular grace examples, to get you started.

Alternatively, you could recite a poem or song lyrics you love. Or write your own grace prayer. Or steal a moving passage from a book or movie. Or freestyle something off-the-cuff every time. You can refresh the words every week or month, if you want. It’s completely up to you!

Don’t worry about getting it exactly perfect to get started. This can be an unfolding process where you tweak your prayer until it feels Goldilocks-style just right. Just choose the words that move you right now.

5. How will you say grace?

Will you speak a prayer out loud with others, like I did growing up? Or will you say it in your head, like I do now?

Will you close your eyes? Fold your hands? Hold hands over your heart? Take a deep breath? Sing the words? Hover your hands over the food to shoot positive vibes into them? (Hey, whatever works!)

You can make your grace practice as public or private as you like. Decide on any little ways you’ll make it feel personal and meaningful to you.

Any way to bring gratitude into your daily life and remember the blessings that often go overlooked is likely to have positive effects on your mental health.

For me, saying grace is an easy way to cement gratitude into my life and I love having a built-in daily reminder. If it feels good to you, too, I hope you give it a try!